Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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