my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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