First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
