So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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