So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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