So drunk its hurt
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
