the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
