I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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