I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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