I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
