So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
