im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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