If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I wish there were birth control emojis
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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