in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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