Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
pop tarts are not kleenex
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
