For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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