I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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