'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
