I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
