How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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