you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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