so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
