arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
