Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
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