How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
