Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
