I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
