you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
