Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
