I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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