i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
