Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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