I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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