FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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