I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
