I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
