go do what you do best...puke behind churches
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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