He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Randomize
