she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
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