im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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