Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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