I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
