At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
