Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
