I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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