I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
