Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
