can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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