LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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