I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
