i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
