Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
